June 17, 2008
Jana,
Today you are one week old! You are so beautiful! You were born on Tuesday June 10, 2008 at 12:08 pm. You are the daughter that your mom and I have prayed for. We have prayed for years that we would be blessed with your presence. Today we officially found out that you have Down syndrome. We were told that when the egg from your mom and the sperm from me formed together to create you, there was an extra x chromosome. I won't lie to you, at this point I don't really understand it all, but we now know the results. This past week has been a mental battle for me. I have been broken and fighting through prayer for the results that i wanted from your chromosome test. We were told in the O.R. from your mothers c-section that you showed the "Downs stigmata." This just means that you had some of the physical characteristics of a baby with Don syndrome. This came as a complete and total surprise to us. We had no warning, and no concerns for any problems at the time. Emotionally, I was torn between my unconditional love for you, and my selfish desires for your life. My plans for you were hinging on some test results. I was out of control, and i did not know what to do. That is the moment that my intense prayers for you began. I have never prayed for anything in my life like I did for you at this point. From the O.R. to the hospital room, you did everything that you were supposed to. You were eating and strong and a perfect little girl. You ARE the perfect little girl I had been praying for, and God blessed your mom and I by allowing us to be your parents. You were tested by neonatal doctors, O.B. doctors, Heart specialists, pediatric specialists, and anyone else who could test you. I am so proud to tell you that you passed and surpassed every test and expectation. Everything that we were told about you was possitive, and the best of anything we could hope for. So we went home with you, our precious, perfectly healthy, beautiful baby girl. This past week, I have cried out to GOd that you needed to be "normal." I have prayed harder and longer and with more emotional conviction than ever before. All of this while knowing that God has a plan, and it was out of my hands. I have always said, that I am not a fan of "normal." Anyone who knows me will attest to this point. I believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that is the reason that God did not give me a "normal" child. I was blessed with an exceptional daughter. You are more beautiful and perfect than any thoughts or plans I could have ever had or made. I love you so truly and unconditionally that I could not begin to express it in words. God has given us this perfect litlle girl made in His perfect image, and I am so thankful for you. You are my perfect baby girl! I promise that I will love you, protect you, provide for you, pray continually for you, and be there for you as long as i live. I know that God has big plans for you. I know that you will teach me so much, and that I will see God's work all throughout and surrounding your life. I pray now that God bless every moment of your life. I pray that you are a light in this world, that you touch many peoples lives, and that you be God's beautiful angel. I pray that you are blessed daily with health and wisdom. I pray that as you grow and develop, nothing stands in your way. I pray that God destroys any barriers in your path, and that you lead the amazing life I know that you can and will live. I know we serve a faithful God. I know He has a perfect plan. I know that you are my perfect daughter, and I love you more than anything.
Dad
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
